In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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