Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
