Jerry, you need to find god
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
