I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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