Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
