I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
