so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
