I think im going to throw up on grandma
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
