True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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