her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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