you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
