if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
