Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
