I molested 6 butterflies tonight
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
