Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
