i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
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She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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