The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
