today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
