He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
