i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
