Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
