i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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