I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
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It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
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The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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