Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
