My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
