Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
