they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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