What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
