Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
