Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
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I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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