So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
