the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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