i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
