You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
