my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
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Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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