i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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