Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
