Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
