it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
