just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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