Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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