we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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