tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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