it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
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Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
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Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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