its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
