Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
