i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
