remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize