You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
we have officially lost it.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
