I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
