I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
