is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
