Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
