i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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