She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
