I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
