Yo dont text me then not text me
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
