I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
