wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
