hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
