if you like me you must not know who I am
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I look better un-naked...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We need to rekindle our bromance
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
