Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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