I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
