new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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