Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
