funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
