I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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