Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
