how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
