The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
